“Wife here”, Hibari grinded his teeth on the phone, “all plans ready to go, better be there in time or I will bite you to death.“
Mukuro chuckled, “Husband here, roger honey, looking forward to tonight.“
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08 Jul 2010 Cập nhật:
09 Jul 2010
[Let's cause a burst in Sicily] bởi Zhao™
Zhao™ | King Rô
Humor, action, a touch of romance and epicness.
I don’t own KHR. Mukuro-sama and Hibari-san belong to Amano and belong to each other.
I think I got affected by Mr. & Mrs. Smith’s storyline, but honestly, I just read the summary and didn’t watch the film at all. I hope I won’t get too attached to its content.
For the sake of humor, there are many many crack scenes.
I think some people might get confused so I’d explain first: In this fic, officially Hibari - san’s name had turned into ‘Rokudou Kyouya’ [or Mrs. Rokudou * why does it sound so odd *] since he married Mukuro - sama. But me as a narrator still address him as ‘Hibari’ because- well, because I’m used to that. * lame excuse *
Also, I’m humbly sorry if there are so many mispelled words or grammar mistakes. Please point out if you think I need to work more on anything.
[Let’s cause a burst in Sicily]
- “ Welcome back, honey. “
Mukuro looked up from the book as he heard a ‘click’ sound on the doorway, only to see a grumpy-looking and blood-stained Hibari stormed in the living room. Murderous aura still flashing dangerously on his pretty face. Filled his tea cup the fourth time before pouring another one for Hibari, Mukuro tilted his head in a gentleman-like manner. A manner which his ‘honey’ doesn’t really appreciate so much.
- “ You’re late. Did something hold you back? “
Accepted the cup from his husband, Hibari set himself comfortable on the sofa, sipping his tea slowly as an attempt to calm down.
- “ Same as usual. “
- “ Oya, let me guess, a guy came in your way, again, tried to make you his bitch, again. And you wasted your precious time beaten that fool senseless, again? “ Mukuro laughed at the last sentence.
- “ Not much of a difference, “ Hibari slightly nodded in agreement. “ -there was more than one fool this time. “
- “ Oh there was? “
Mukuro rubbed his chin in a thoughtful way, eyes narrowing while he concluding an unpleasant fact.
- “ Speaking of which, lately you have been hit on quite frequently when I wasn’t with you. “ -And assuming a solution himself. - “ I suppose we need to spend more time outside together? “
Ignored the lovely [?!] opinion, Hibari finished his tea cup and got up from the chair, marching toward the kitchen with Mukuro tagging right behind. He walked through the nearly destroyed hall, scowled a bit at the perforated walls, but turned back to his unimpressed expression almost immediately. Bullets holes were all over the place, his favourite carpet stained with too much blood that probably would leave some traces even if he uses the strongest washing-flour. Hibari also smelled the faintest hint of gun powder on air as he passed by the collapsed stairs. And did he just see a bloody limb around the corner?
The black-haired man still wearing that stoic face, but Mukuro noticed his spouse’s wrath effortlessly. Normally, what kind of people would not angry if he just wearily came back from work and realized his home sweet home has been half-ruined?
- “ Ease up, honey, you can’t actually think that I vandalized our place like this, can you? Look, I even managed to keep the bedroom and bathroom totally unharmed. “
Mukuro tried to light up the atmosphere. But that is not what Hibari wants to hear right now. Not yet.
- “ We will talk later. Before it, you better active your bank account and prepare a huge amount to rebuild the place. “
Hibari muttered under his breath, mentally struggling to resist the urge to let off some temper by punching hard on his husband -the only person around-‘s handsome face. That sounds good, but it just won’t do, and things won’t go anywhere, since he was not the real culprit. Mukuro chuckled amusingly, probably thinking that might cool down the tension.
- “ Some well-casted illusions shall cover the problem. Don’t you worry now, honey. “
That only made Hibari fuming even more. The blue-haired man’s careless behavior just leads thing worse. Seriously, Mukuro could be a brain burner some time, without him aware of it. Of course, Hibari still didn’t let off the fact that his now lucky unharmed bedroom and bathroom were also illusions after the huge massacre from last time. Mukuro didn’t fix anything, in fact, he created.
Hibari finally arrived at the kitchen, let out a sigh of relief as he saw the place still in good shape so far, despite the blown-up oven and half-turned-to-ashes microwave.
Mr.Rokudou leaned on the door frame, arms crossing and giggling when his spouse opening the refrigerator, teeth grinding semi-hard at the sight that he –a household wife– so doesn’t want to see.
- “ Why is the fridge empty, again? “
That’s Mrs.Rokudou’s important issue for ya.
Mukuro simply shrugged.
- “ Well, you see, you had gone for one week, and without you the kitchen has been abandoned. “
Hibari shot an I-don’t-need-you-to-report-I-want-the-freaking-reason glare to Mukuro, posing a hands-on-hips stance as he raises his silky but sulking voice, nonceremoniously orders his husband to run an errand.
- “ Go to the store and come back before dinner time, or I will bite you to death. “
Made the low ponytail waggling left and right as he comicallly shook his head, Mukuro wore on a lost-puppy’s eyes, tried convincing Hibari to do something he most likely will refuse without even think about it.
- “ I won’t go, if you don’t keep me in company. “
All Mukuro received was a nice strong punch on the face that nearly broke his jaw. Just as he expected, but did not really want it.
- “ Ow ow, and after a whole week waited for you, missed you so much, I can’t even have a reward. “
- “ You just had it. “
- “ Let me correct myself, I can’t even have a gentle reward. “
The illusionist faked a hurt expression and continuing to whine. Hibari sighing heavily, slender fingers rubbing his aching forehead. Headache. Headache. He’s not exactly a man of dealing with overpossessive husband.
- “ Fine, shut up. “
Hibari tugged Mukuro’s shirt collar and pulled him toward the entrance, mumbling something like ‘I will bite you to death’ and a string of ‘shit shit shit’.
- “ So you agreed ~ “
- “ Zip it, herbivore. “
Just about when Hibari reached the doorknob, he was held back by a strong grip. Mukuro’s grip.
- “ Wait, you can’t go out wearing a blood-stained shirt. “
- “ I don’t care. “
- “ I do. “
No more useless talk, the illusionist purposefully ripped Hibari’s shirt and pants off, earning a furious slap from the other, but still shows no intent to stop. He eyed his spouse’s flawless body hungrily, after a soft flick near Hibari’s abdomen, a change of clothes suddenly covered him.
Not at all impressed with the –you may call ‘magic’, he seemed more displeased with Mukuro’s taste of clothing for him. Eyes twitched in annoyance, Hibari blankly stared first at the sleeveless white shirt and silky black tie -more like for decoration-, but okay, barely acceptable. The shit is, what below.
- “ What’s with this ridiculous short? It’s too short! “
Hibari grunted, only to received a so-so answer from Mukuro. Mr.Rokudou surely thought his humorous personality was lovable. Well, maybe, not with Mrs.Rokudou though.
- “ Of course it is short, it’s a short. The short is short, honey, you knew that. “
- “ -S-o- “ Hibari’s voice longered provokingly slow, “ you really only have rotten pineapple stuffed on your head, and your brain’s language analysis section has severely damaged. You seriously expecting me, go out the street, wearing something no different than a boxer, even shorter, like this? “
Wao. That’s probably the longest sentence Hibari ever spoke, Mukuro has to remember giving him credit for wasn’t out of breath after all years only talking curtly.
Gently wrapped an arm around his spouse’s slim waist and pulled him closer until their chests made contact, Mukuro’s hand locked both of Hibari’s, his other free hand wandering around the shorter man’s creamy smooth thigh, dangerously sliding up, and up, and up-
-Until he reached somewhat looks like a dark leather loop mounted with a black metallic circle. In the center, there’s something resembles a round dark blue button, with the perimeter of a small marble. The thing was hidden right beneath the super sexy short. Hibari’s eyes widened as he recognized what it is.
Mukuro hmm’ed in satisfaction, blowing a hot breath in his partner’s ear, low voice even lower when he whispering softly.
- “ Honey, you’d appreciate me later for this easy-to-move short. “
Mr.Rokudou’s mismatched eyes gleaming seductively. Seemed to understood something hidden behind those words, Hibari’s lips curled up just a tiny bit of what may call a smirk - and stop struggling.
- “ I will still bite you to death later, husband. “
Smiled contently as he freed his spouse, the illusionist’s expression quickly changed into a more cheerful one, like usual.
- “ Good, so it’s settled then. Now, shall we go out together? “
Mukuro whistled joyfully, planned to hold Hibari’s hand likes what a sweet couple would naturally do, only to ended up being flapped back violently.
- “ Wrong, it’s me going out and you tailing along. “
- “ Wrong, it’s us going out. “
Hibari mentally noted that discussing with Mukuro is a total waste of efforts. So rather than drained energy out of himself and filled with rage –which proved to just be tiresome later–, he chose to let his husband spill whatever-crap he wants and tried stepping faster to put off.
Again, that ‘stepping faster’ option seems to have no positive effect, since, you know, Mukuro is taller, and his legs are probably longer.
Screw him. Hibari bitterly thought.
People in the supermarket stared in jealousy and admiration as the Rokudou couple went by, somehow providing a celebrity-like aura. Despited that supremely attractive force, no one dared to go near them. No one.
Those men who have a thing for Hibari knew better than hit on Mrs.Rokudou when Mr.Rokudou is around as well. Last time some boy has the guts to come out, his corpse [they affirmed Mukuro must have strangled the shit outta him] was still nowhere to be found. Even so, they can’t helped swallowing hard from the sight of a too-sexy-to-keep-your-blood-in-your-nose Hibari.
Same goes for the women, their brains functioned well enough to refrain them from flirting directly with Mukuro when his deadly spouse also presenting. Their souls will be squeeze out that very instant. This Hibari man is no joke. Still, a wink or two will do no harm. It’s not that it will bite them or anything, right?
And so, they are happy quite enough just watching the couple walk around elegantly. At least nobody would end up dead, like there were.
- “ Hmm, let’s see, sugar, flour, milk, meat, salad, butter-- … Honey, is there anything else we need? “
Mukuro started listing off things-to-buy, absent-mindedly ticking down fingers one by one, then turned to Hibari with a sweet smile. In return, the black-haired man casted a deadly glare in his husband’s impudent face and grunted indignantly.
- “ Honey who? Did I warn you about NOT call me shitty names in public? “
- “ Wao, that hurts, Kyouya. We’re spouses. “
Putting a hand on left chest, Mukuro faked a heartbroken expression, but to no avail. Hibari shifted the gaze away from his troublesome spouse to the shelves, snarled harshly while picking up a bottle of pickled plums.
- “ Don’t wao with me unless you so want to be bitten to death. Being my husband doesn’t help your damn head stays firmly on your neck. “
Paying no heed to the cardiac-arrestable warning, Mukuro chuckled like he was very content as he following Hibari to the next row, chirping sheepishly.
- “ I could always see why I married you, honey. “
Hibari just tsk-ed, looking for some chocolate-flavored cereal. And starting inwardly curse himself. Whose brilliant idea was it to accept the shall-be-slaughtered [or simply exiled-from-Earth] pineapple head’s marriage proposal again?
Rokudou Mukuro and Hibari Kyouya [now Rokudou Kyouya] are just a normal married couple [if you consider male-male relationship normal], living a normal life in a normal Sicilian suburban amongst normal neighborhood, doing their normal jobs and normal part-time job [if you could call secretly being hitmen normal], and surrounded with all other normal things. Entirely normal as you might see up there-
--Or not. Okay, so there is something odd. About their part-time job to be precise. Hitmen, sounds wicked cool doesn’t it? We even have a married hitmen couple here. They worked under no agency, no employer. Freedom first. If you have any request, mail them via computer – that’s the fastest way, or try to find their non-stop changing phone numbers – which I do not recommend.
Everytime someone has a killing wish for them to fulfill, he simply needed to provide his target’s informations, as detailing as he could; let them be, and when finished just obediently transfer the agreed money into their bank accounts –which surely will switch codes afterward. Do not act like a boss, do not rush, do not plan to deceive, do not try to offend, or the contractor will be hunted down instead. Like above, they are under no employer.
One more important thing: No crowd, no team, no pair. The Rokudou couple maybe a couple, but they always working individually, separated as ‘Rokudou Mukuro’ and ‘Rokudou Kyouya’ when it comes to underground mission.
And so, that’s the main cause which leads to some problem later.
- “ What’s with that freaking smile? “
Hibari’s brows furrowed deeply at Mukuro’s over-cheerful face. The illusionist’s smile grew wider as he pointing at himself.
- “ Ooh, you mean this? “
- “ Yes, that. “
- “ My my, you know it’s rare when you actually agreed to go out with me, wearing that outfit on top of it. “
Mukuro singsong-ed happily, blowing a wind kiss to Hibari. As expected, it’s been wiped out immediately on air.
- “ Remember, you forced me to, bastard. “ Hibari grinded his teeth. “ And when you come along we will have extra discount, that’s all. “
- “ Honey, that’s not a very romantic purpose. “
- “ Honesty is a virtue. “
Mrs.Rokudou replied nonchalantly, considering the price of a fried scallops can and that of a mixed seafood bag. Then suddenly, Mr.Rokudou gets all tense up. Hibari could sense it in his partner’s slightly cautious tone.
- “ How was your assignment? “
- “ All done, why do you ask? “
- “ Did you spot anything suspicious? “
- “ Yes, you. “
- “ Oya, you just can’t stop being so interesting, can you? “
Mukuro chuckled evilishly, grabbed Hibari’s tie and pullet it strong enough to make him bends over, chin resting comfortably on his broad shoulder. Right when the shorter man about to snap, he murmuring casually, lets an eerie smile invades his face.
- “ We have some fleas stick around. “
Hibari’s alertness kicking up at the statement.
- “ About sixty-even or so, they’re still congregating, well, not a huge squad. But I saw firearms, bazookas, autorifles, as well as grenades and plenty of pistols. Hm, they have some guts coming out like that in public. “
Not at all impressed with the information he just received, Hibari cocking his head sideway, mutters on Mukuro’s ear.
- “ Who are they? “
- “ I don’t know yet. “ The illusionist slightly shrugs. “ From what I observed, they might belong to the same organization with those intruders at our home when you were out. They bear the same mark on the armbands. “
Hibari’s eyes twitched vigorously upon hearing Mukuro’s conclusion, hands slid down looking for his tonfa, only to realize they’re gone.
- “ Ooh right, since we don’t have much time before dinner, “ Mr.Rokudou caresses his spouse’s thigh, finger clicking lightly on the metallic thing he wrapped earlier. “ I suppose you can’t go with tonfa and beat one-by-one, like you prefered. Instead, let’s try out the little present I made especially for you. “
Hibari formed a threatening pout, and Mukuro simply chuckles.
This is gonna be oh-so-fun.
“ It’s them. I saw them turn off that corner. They’re on the other side of this row. No weapon, no trident, no tonfa. “
“ Enough. Now listen up guys, it’s success or death. Boss won’t allow us to go back without their corpses, got it? Whoever takes down either the goddamn illusionist or his man-bitch will get the assured promotion. “
“ Woohoo. “
“ What a pity, man, that bitch looks bloody hot. “
“ Yeah yeah, hot. He will fuck you down before you can even lay a finger on him.“
“ Shut up! Get ready, time to strike. “
The big muscle man who seems to be the squad leader gesturing a wave as some signal to come all out. One team running to block any potential exit and shoot all bystanders, the rest rushing like a broken bee nest, forming a nice circle around the Rokudou couple, all guns point at them threateningly. Despite the deadly situation, these two seem pretty calm, or rather, careless.
- “ Kyouya honey, “ Mukuro averts his gaze to the now very annoyed black-haired man. “ –what do you think?
- “ Those herbivores, “ Hibari stiffened his voice, catching everyone’s attention with the coldness slowly pervades the whole scene. “ .. they’re crowding. “
He takes one step ahead, loosening his tie as he seductively raises one leg, such delicate movement which made some men lost in dream for a minute.
Hibari tore off his short a little bit, revealed more skin and–- what else? The dark leather loop mounted with black metallic cirlcle and blinking navy blue button in the center. Or I’d rather call its true name now – inductive laser gun.
- “ Sweet honey, it suits you so much. “
Mukuro praised, contented with the heavenly sight. Hibari examines the handy gun by clicking the button and kicking his leg high. A straight purple light emitting immediately, took one from the enemies down in a blink of eye. The whole team gasped in shock.
- “ Indeed. “
Mrs. Rokudou puts on a dangerous smile.
The squad leader started panicking, but tried to gain back his composure nonetheless. He cried at a high-pitched tone as he cocking his own mitrailleuse.
- “ Stay calm! They only have two people! Stay calm and just PERFORATE them! FIRE! “
A loud gunshot pierced through the air, soon following by a string of non-stop ‘bang bang bang‘ and ‘boom boom boom’. And many explosion. The shooting battle has already started.
- “ Take care of the bag. “
Hibari stopped mid-sentence while swaying to avoid a web of bullets, left the unvoiced phrase flung through thin air. And magically did Mukuro catch his spouse’s sub-demands.
Keep all ingredients in their best shapes, or I will bite you to death. Finish this before dinner time, or I will bite you to death.
- “ What an impossible task. “
Mukuro laughed, tried to maintain a sweet husband-wife conversation amongst unpolite screams.
- “ How about we move dinner thirty minutes later, occasionally? “
- “ Time is treasure. “
- “ Oya, we only have ten minutes left. “
These two temporary hid behind a toppled shelf, quickly exchanging some ideas. After some furious slaps and angry grunts, Mukuro had Hibari agreed to his plan, half-heartedly.
Smiling mischeviously, Mr.Rokudou bows his head, forming a 45 degrees angle and politely asks.
- “ May I have this dance? “
- “ Tsk, just one time. “
Hibari turned away to hide his lightly blushed cheeks, muttered angrily. Let Mukuro wraps his waist, the other hand holds his hand firmly, Mrs. Rokudou takes a deep breath as his husband overjoyedly announcing.
- “ All right, let’s samba! “
The Rokudou couple –hands in hands– get out from the hidden place, joining the already messy crowd with an attempt to clean all at once.
It was a chorus of swearings, explosions and gunshots after that.
- “ HOLY CRAP WHO SAID THEY’RE UNARMED?! EVERYBODY ON YOUR BEST ATTENTION, THEY ARE DANCING TOWARD –-- “ Eighteen down.
- “ WATCH OUT THE SEXY ONE, HE HAS AN INDUCTIVE LASER GU–-- UGH! “ Twenty-four down.
- “ Oh sweet merciful Mother of God MY EYES!! Somebody ought to tell them that public dry-humping is–-- “ Thirty-one down.
- “ DAMN! DON’T FAINT YOU LOT! Nosebleed is prohibited for mafioso–-- GAH!! “ Fifty-seven down.
- “ SHIT SHIT SHIT– RETREAT! TO ALL UNITS, RE–-- “ Sixty-nine down.
Mountain of corpses pilling up in an exponential rate speed that the Rokudou couple don’t even bother to count anymore. Bloodied bodies and crashed objects introduced themselves with the ground with every dancing move these two performed. Mukuro had his illusionary handgun, and each turn he made, he also made sure that he didn’t waste even a single bullet. Same for Hibari, button-clicking, legs-kicking, hips-shaking, even ass-waving, using any move necessary, his destructive laser always found its way to the targets.
They really dancing a fervently samba while methodically breaking the enemies’s siege, wiping clean the whole scene, until Mukuro sees there are no many left standing.
- “ Wait, Kyouya, don’t kill all, we still need them to puke out the name of their higher-ups. So at least let one live–- “
Mr.Rokudou didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence as he regconizes the whole squad has been knocked out, senseless, soulless even.
- “ My my, we went a little too far. “
Observing the scene, the illusionist concludes there’s nothing else to do before the polices –the next problem- gather here.
- “ OW! Honey, what was that for? “
Hibari gave a powerful knee-up on Mukuro’s stomach, forcing him to let go of his hand. Face flustered a nice shade of pink, Mrs. Rokudou declares a threat, seems pretty serious.
- “ If you dare touch me when I don’t want to again, I will punch you a billion times harder than I just did. “
- “ Well, actually, I think you kicked me. “
- “ Sh-shut up! Heard that or not? “
- “ Roger, honey. “ Mukuro chuckled. “ Now should we go? The police will arrive in exactly one minute and thirty six seconds. “
- “ Mm. “
The Rokudou couple made their way to the entrance and disappearing. No witness alive, no need to worry.
But the real trouble is still out there. Some hidden organization.
The next day.
- “ Oya, honey, look at this, we made a nice ‘feast’ there. “
Mukuro hummed lightly while handing the newspaper to Hibari. Mr.Rokudou tried faking a surprising tone and failed miserably, in fact, he sounded annoyingly amusing.
Hibari just walked out from the steaming bath, water drip-dropping from his still wet hair. Wearing only a long-sleeve, oversized shirt –Mukuro’s shirt to be precise– that barely covers half of his upper thighs, he moved gracefully across the bedroom. His fresh scent lingered on air.
Wao. Mukuro could bet Hibari didn’t wear anything below at all.
Casted a glance over the word-filled page, didn’t even bother to read any further from the title, Hibari lied down lazily on the comfy bed, tossing the newspaper aside. On the contrary with Mukuro, he showed no attention to the whole shooting scene that some cameras in the supermarket coincidentally catched during the incident yesterday [Luckiky, their faces hadn’t been shown]. As if it was something he did on a regular basis, almost daily. Well, maybe it was.
- “ Tsk, I’d rather call this such a ‘fuss’. Annoying bugs will crowding around.“
Hibari pouting, obviously disturbed by the thought. Chuckled meaningly likes he has planned a plot or two in his head, Mukuro sit on the bed side as he gently comforting his beloved darling, deep voice pouring out like honey.
- “ Well now dear, isn’t it exciting? We were so bored, I hardly found any thrill in our recently missions. Don’t you want a delicious cherry on top of plain ice cream, sometime? “
Damn Mukuro and his sweet talk.
- “ Whatever, I’m tired. “
Hibari yawned, flipped over and pressed his body against the giant fluffy pillow beneath. Much to Mukuro’s surprise, the tonfa user unbuttoned his own oversized shirt and temptingly slided it down right above his butttock. Rested his head on the crossed arms while looking up at his husband over his shoulders, Hibari demanded, rather sleepy, but sounded too inviting with Mukuro.
- “ Massage my back. “
Mukuro raised an eyebrow, seemed really surprise this time.
What’s with that wanton voice?
The husband found the answer nonetheless, or he thought he found it. But let’s put that aside, Mr.Rokudou now got another matter to deal with.
Mukuro licked his lips seductively. Oh sweet, gracious Jesus, his spouse was just as sexy as ever. What else could he say?
- “ Roger, honey. “
Well, it’s going to be a long hot night.
Later that night, Hibari’s mailbox received a new message.
“ Please eliminate Rokudou Mukuro. “
Also, Mukuro’s inbox popped up the next target.
“ Please kill Rokudou Kyouya. “
So, what are we gonna do next?