“You told me I was like the Sun. I guess it makes me your Sun then. Because, Lelouch, you were the one, every day, you are the one who makes me shine.”
A SuzuxLulu (friendship) fanfiction. AU. Character dead.
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30 Aug 2011 Cập nhật:
11 Nov 2011
[Code Geass] Like The Sun (Suzaku's POV) bởi CharleD
Tittle: Like the Sun|
Genres: Romance, Friendship, Angst.
Summary: “You told me I was like the Sun. I guess it makes me your Sun then. Because, Lelouch, you were the one, every day, you are the one who makes me shine.”
Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.
Warning: AU, very slight hint of shounen-ai, character dead, possible OOCness.
Pairing: Suzaku x Lelouch
Thank you for reading. Please enjoy. :)
Like The Sun
Green eyes darted around, curiously studying his surroundings.
The garden was impossibly huge, and gorgeous; with all kind of vegetation, varying from the thick carpet of green grass, to the impressive wall of shrubberies, to the old, giant trees that over-shaded a large area, and lots of lovely flowers in full bloom scattering around, highlighting the picture with their lovely colors. “Huh…who in their right mind would spend so much money just for a back garden I wonder. This place even beats father’s prideful garden!” The young boy wordlessly marveled, observing the beautiful scenery. “Then again, it’s a Britannia Lord’s property…” He trailed off in his thoughts, and with a ‘hm’ he ended his wondering job to focus on the matter at hand. “Now where may it be? I thought it hit one of those trees…”
He turned a bush, careful not to make a sound, trying to retrieve his lost ball as soon as possible before anyone caught his trespassing; and unexpectedly came face to face with the most breathtaking scene he had ever had the honor to laid eyes upon.
In the middle of the garden, under the gentle curtain made of racemes of wisteria, sat a lone little angel. Hands holding an open book on his lap, but violet eyes were gazing at the eternal blue sky unseeingly; beautiful face sported a touch of longing as if yearning for his heaven. Occasionally, the wind would blow by to playfully stroke those silky dark locks, as though wanting to somehow comfort the lost angel. It was so wonderful, so ethereal that the boy could not contain a small surprised gasp, carelessly alerted the angel.
In a flash, royal amethysts stared in shock at the young intruder, mouth slightly agape; his book fell off to the ground with a small ‘thug’. He shakily pulled himself up, using the sturdy trunk to support his fragile frame, and slowly took a step back. The angel was going to fly away!
“Wait angel! Please don’t fly away!” The boy desperately called out, rushed forward and took hold of the angel’s petite hand, cutting off his only escape route. Wow, his skin was so smooth to touch!
The trapped angel fearfully struggled, trying his best to free himself from the dead grip but to no avail. After a full minute or so of useless fighting, the angel stilled, seemingly given up. He sighed, then carefully looked at the stranger; with a small, frightened voice, he asked, “Wh-who are you?”
The boy grinned brightly, pleased that the angel had finally talked to him, but still maintained his hold nonetheless. He wouldn’t want to lose his angel, now would he? He cleared his throat, and with a childish yet confident tone, he answered the other’s question, “I am Kururugi Suzaku, angel.” He casted another broad, blinding smile at the angel, forest green eyes shining so brilliantly in the sunlight. “And I’m twelve years old!” He proudly added, head held high, and puffed out his chest a little in finish of his speech.
The angel just stared wordlessly at Suzaku; so many emotions were battling in the depth of amethyst gems, before his face settled with an amused expression. With a calmer voice, he curiously asked, “And what, pray tell, is a little boy like yourself doing in my garden?”
Suzaku stared blankly at his angel for a second, then he answer nonchalantly, “I was playing with my friend just now and the ball accidentally flied in here…” but as if remember something, his brows furrowed, “And I’m not a little boy! See, you’re not older than me!” He huffed, his large innocent eyes glared unthreateningly at the angel, trying to emphasize the point.
The other merely laughed, so soft and light and melodic a sound that Suzaku’s face turned pink immediately just hearing it. He pouted cutely, round cheeks slightly puffed out, “Wh-what so funny!”
“No, I’m sorry,” the angel said, still happily giggling, “just, you’re really cute pulling that face, Suzaku.” He commented smoothly, tilting his head to the side, a small smile gracing his rosy lips.
Again Suzaku blushed. The angel just called him cute! God was he so embarrassed now! “I’m not cute! Only you angel is cute!”
Said angel arched an elegant brow, looking at Suzaku intently, then asked, again with that curious tone of his “So can you tell me, why you keep calling me an angel then?”
“Because you are an angel! You came here from heaven right?” Suzaku answered, looking at the other weirdly, but he then frowned, and his face suddenly turned suspicious, “Don’t tell me you’re not.”
The angel chuckled, but shook his head no. “Sorry Suzaku, but I really am not.” He took a deep breath before continued matter-of-factly, “See, I don’t have wings.” He turned his upper body a little for the other to see his point. But when his gaze returned on Suzaku, the light-hearted air around them till that moment abruptly changed, and the later could spot a sudden wave of sorrow plaguing those beautiful violet depths. However, it was the other’s unpredicted words that did break his heart, “Otherwise, Suzaku…I would fly away from this lonely place.” He remarked softly, then averted his gaze again to look at the sky.
Suzaku was seriously confused by then, he just vaguely understood what the other meant. Was the angel trapped here or what? He seemed so sad just now…Remembering what his master always taught him to do in this kind of situation, he slowly closed his eyes, took a long, deep breath, before opening them again, determination shone in emerald green eyes. If the angel was sad, then he would just have to cheer him up right? Right.
Suzaku stretched a cheeky grin, eyes glimmered joyfully, “Whatever you say, eh…” He scratched the back of his head, looking sheepishly at the not-an-angel-anymore, “What’s your name again?”
The other didn’t answered at first, studying the strange boy carefully, then he shook his head again, a hint of amusement obviously laced his velvety voice, “My name’s Lelouch, Lelouch vi Britannia.”
“Whatever you say, Lelouch!” Suzaku repeated, grinning from ear to ear; then he blushed lightly in embarrassment at his next request. “So…do you think you want to help me finding my lost ball?”
“Why of course Suzaku…but first,” Lelouch paused mid-sentence, gazing at Suzaku’s green eyes, and smiled slyly, “please release my hand.”
Suzaku skipped happily along the great stone wall that separated him and his newfound best friend. He would just need to climb that big tree meters ahead, then he would see Lelouch again. Over the past few weeks, they had repeated the same process every day, with him sneaking in, meeting the other boy, talking about his everyday life, laughing over silly matters, playing chess (he would always lose no matter what, damn it!), then sneaking out. And it was always so fun to be with the other boy. He was such a genius, Suzaku had recently found out, possessing a great mind for strategies and politic (The boy had assumed so, since ‘strategies’ and ‘politic’ were the two words that were repeated the most in those overly complicated books the other seemed to always enjoy so much!) even though he was only six months older than Suzaku. Lelouch also had a weird sense of humor, as he seemed always so amused at the boy’s every reaction. But above all, he was really an angel as Suzaku had first suspected. He was just unbelievably gentle, and kind, and always smiled so warmly at Suzaku each time their eyes made contact. Wow, Suzaku cheered to himself, he was going to meet his amazing Lelouch now.
“Lulu!” Spotting his angel under the same wisteria tree, Suzaku merrily called, bouncing to his awaiting friend. Lelouch tore his attention away from his book, and instantly smiled at the sight of his carefree friend. He lightly patted the empty space next to him, signaling for the boy to come sit.
“So, anything specific you want to do today?” Lelouch asked, tilted his head a little, trying to clear his vision from the long raven bangs, his lips curled up forming a faint smile.
Jumping to his rightful seat with a small ‘puff’, Suzaku stared at Lelouch blankly, then he blinked, then he sighed, finally he shook his head in defeat, “I dunno.” He answered quietly, feeling a bit ashamed for not being able to think of anything. But then his face instantly lit up like a Christmas tree, “Hey how about just talking about you Lulu? We have known for quite a while and you’re still very much a mysterious case to me!”
“Me? But there’s nothing to tell.” Lelouch wondered, bewilderment clear in his voice, “And I assure you my life is absolutely boring to hear.” He added as an afterthought.
“Come on Lulu, you know as well as I do that it’s a lie.” Suzaku patted his friend’s small back good-naturedly, knocking the wind out of the other. “Oh sorry!” He hurriedly apologized, noticing his dear friend’s uneasiness.
Lelouch just stayed silent. He seemed oddly hesitatant for no reason, and that irked Suzaku’s curiosity to no end. Smirking in his head, the boy pulled his (in)famous kicked-puppy face, and summoning his sweetest tone he ever possessed, he pleaded, “Lulu, we are not going to keep secret from the other, ne?”
Lelouch sighed, “So, what do you want to know?”
“Anything! And everything!” Suzaku stated cheerfully, his trademark grin adorning his face.
“Hm…say,” Lelouch began slowly, carefully choosing his words, “do you believe me if I am to say I have never once…taken a single step out of these walls?” He looked at the other in the eyes, as if searching for something, “Do you Suzaku?”
“What? But why!” The boy protested stubbornly, sounding so confused and astonished at the same time at the shocking revelation.
“Because,” The more mature boy contemplated, then sighed again, tired, “because I am sick, Suzaku.”
The downpour that’s swept over the old pretty town for the last few days finally ceased today, allowing the new sun to make its way to the pure clear sky. Things seemed so fresh and lively too, as if the water from heaven had purified everything in its blessing touch.
Suzaku ran real fast to the meeting place – that beautiful wisteria tree where his angel was properly expecting him. He himself had had to wait for so long to see his friend again, all because of the persistent rain. And guess what, many unpleasant things had happened in those freaking long days. Suzaku scowled recalling the events. Whatever they’d said, he didn’t care one bit! Who care about growing up! Who care about being a man with responsibility! Who care about inheritance of that despicable company! No, he didn’t give a damn about it! He didn’t!
But he promptly stopped as he got to the garden, panting heavily. No matter what happened to his outside life, here he wouldn’t want to worry his friend at all. He just couldn’t. He knew all too well he shouldn’t go see his friend in such state of mind. But…since that revelation, he couldn’t bear staying away from his friend for too long. His Lelouch was ill, seriously ill to the point he hasn’t been allowed to go out even for a second. That...his fragile angel was…his heart ached just remembering it, Lelouch was to leave him one day! Suzaku gritted his teeth. His brows creased into a hard frown, eyes digging a hole on the innocent grass. Suddenly he felt so angry. There really was nothing he could do now for his dearest friend, just like there wasn’t anything he could do in this damnable life of his. It just, wasn’t fair. Not at all…
“Suzaku?” A very concerned voice woke him out of his inner turmoil. The boy looked up to find Lelouch approaching him, his face filled with unhidden worry.
“Hi…Lulu.” Suzaku said weakly, smiling to reassure his friend, but it just didn’t reach his eyes. Shit! He already made Lelouch worried! And he had promised to himself he would do anything to make the other happy always, hadn’t he?! Oh how he hated himself!
“You ok, Suzaku?” Again Lelouch asked, voice full of concern.
Now Suzaku thought, one must commit some awful crime to be able to feel as guilty as he was just hearing the tone. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath like he always did in such situation, and tried again more confidently, “I’m ok Lulu, really.”
Lelouch narrowed his eyes suspiciously, then he stated sharply, sounding more like an actual accuse. “No, you’re not.” He then took some steps closer for them to just one foot apart, and putting a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder, he softened his voice, “I can tell when something is troubling you, Suzaku. Don’t you want to share with me what happened?” But he quickly added, “Sorry I didn’t want to pry.”
Suzaku bit his lip, silently debating in his head. What was he to do? Should he…? No, did he even dare to worry Lelouch more! But…if he didn’t tell, there would be a chance Lelouch would be sad…and he couldn’t bring himself to go against his angel’s will. Argh! Dammit dammit dammit dammmmmit!
“You can trust me, Suzaku.” Like a morning breeze, Lelouch whispered into his jumbled mind. One tender hand caressed the boy’s curled brown locks, the other brought up to massage his creases. He smiled that heart-warming smile of his, “I will just listen, promise. So don’t worry about me either.”
And that was the last straw. The distraught boy couldn’t hold back any longer, ‘cause he had had enough already. He wasn’t in his right mind to think anymore. The lock that he’d used to bottle up every rude thing in a corner of his heart, now shattered like a bubble would, letting the cruel truth drown him in the depth of despair. Suzaku took Lelouch’s small hand in his, intertwined their small fingers together, and bringing the both of them on their knees to the ground when his wobbled feet gave in. He clutched at the other’s shirt tightly like no tomorrow, then burying his face into Lelouch’s shoulder, he began his heartbreaking words.
“I’m so afraid Lulu! I’m so afraid! I don’t wanna grow up like they said! I don’t wanna become one of them! They are nothing but selfish, greedy and heartless adults wanting to decide everything for others!” He let go of the other boy, now targeted the ground instead, strong tanned fists punching the dirt with all their might, “They abandoned me, dammit! They abandoned me Lulu! They divorced when I was barely born! Leaving me in that damn uncle’s hands for mercy for those ten fucking years! And they said they were busy all their life for me! They said they did everything for me! How could they! How can they!” He ground his teeth, pupils dilated into slits, “And now they dare to demand my responsibility, when theirs are all rotten! They want me to grow up! To have responsibility with that damn business! They want me to leave!” He looked at Lelouch with pleading, desperate eyes, “They want me to leave here, Lulu. They want me to leave you! They want me to go to America to study that godforsaken program for idiots who call themselves geniuses!”
Lelouch’s breath caught in his throat. What…was Suzaku serious? He wasn’t going to leave him, was he? So he was going to be alone again, right? To the end of his days, which was not very long from now, seemingly. He should have seen it coming. It was not that surprising…Yet he couldn’t help but felt his heart break into small pieces. He lowered his gaze, and turned his head a little, away from the other’s peering. He didn’t want the boy to see his tearful orbs. He had promised…he wouldn’t let his emotion shown.
“Please…Lulu…I don’t wanna go! Tell me to stay Lulu…” Those words however did perk him up. Lelouch looked at his friend with hopeful eyes. “I don’t wanna leave you alone. As I don’t want you to leave me alone. I want us to be this way, forever! Never change. I don’t care about anything else, Lulu. So please…” He inched closer to the other boy and hugged him, again resting his hear on frail shoulder, “Promise to stay with me too Lulu.” He finished; hope laced his voice like a child’s would in asking for his favorite sweet, kicked-puppy look returning with full force.
It was Lelouch’s turn to hesitate. He shouldn’t be so selfish as to ask Suzaku to stay by his side always. And he wasn’t going to promise what he couldn’t hold. But…he couldn’t crush his and Suzaku’s hope. It was alright to be selfish sometime right? And a little white lie never hurt…
“Yeah Suzaku, I…promise.” With a small voice he said his words, doubting for any cruel plan god had in store for them. He could just faintly hear the other’s blissful ‘thank you’, and simply returned the embrace with his uncertain arms.
“Lulu, are you there?” Suzaku jogged toward the wisteria tree – their usual secret meeting place – eager to see his friend again after his so-called three-and-a-haft days of grounding (for not behaving in front of father’s business partner – replaying the incident over in his mind, Suzaku rolled his eyes). He quickened his pace, and frowned slightly realizing that indeed, recently, he rarely had time to visit Lelouch as regularly as before; that was real disturbing. Still deep in thought, the boy couldn’t reflex fast enough and therefore dashed head first into a solid object that appeared out of nowhere.
“Ouch!” Suzaku landed on his butt unceremoniously, “What on earth –” He cried out, pain clear in his voice, but stopped dead in his tracks as his emeralds eyes locked with cold blue ones.
There towering over him was a tall figure. Blond hair shone royally in the sunlight, face perfectly shaped as some god above, but emotionless whatsoever. He was clad in a very luxurious and elegant long white coat with beautiful golden patterns trimming along the hems of the jacket, lapels and sleeves; followed by a blue waistcoat and dark blue bow that underlined the color of his eyes; a silk white dress shirt underneath; and a pair of white full brogue oxford shoes adorning his feet, finished off the picture of a white prince.
A prince. Now that was the problem. Seriously, what was this prince doing in his Lelouch’s house anyway? Did prince even trespass to other’s property? Unlikely. But then his eyes suddenly widened. Wait wait wait wait! Was it meant, he had been caught? By a trespassing prince no less? Suzaku tensed, his hands curled up into fists. Prince or not, if anything, he was going to knock this man out first and –
“Staring is impolite, kid.” The mysterious prince smirked, obviously noticing the boy’s plan but choosing to ignore it nonetheless. “Are you going to sit there gaping all day or what?” That said, he offered one glove hand to help the boy up.
Suzaku didn’t respond, he kept looking doubtfully at the stranger, very alert. He chose not to take the man’s hand either, but stood up by himself instead. He might appear to be a kind gentleman, but who knew what was behind that beautiful mask? No, Suzaku couldn’t risk it. Not when he hasn’t seen his friend yet. “What are you doing here? Who are you!” The boy demanded, his mind racing for any escape plan that might actually work. This man looked anything but an idiot after all.
“I am Schneizel.” He simply stated. “And what I want to do in my garden is none of your concern.” He smirked again at the boy’s dumbfounded expression, before he turned serious. “Come. I have something for you, Suzaku.”
“My little brother, Suzaku, he is – was a little wonder. Strong – truth he had a weak heart, but he was never the type to show weaknesses – and very intelligent, and stubborn, yet also a real gentle soul–”
Suzaku closed his eyes, feeling the world crumbled under his feet. Beside him, Schneizel kept ranting about something he couldn’t register as his brain seemed to stop its working already. He could only focus on one thing, the piece of paper in his grip – a letter with cursive handwriting arranging neatly on it. Those were words that would surely haunt him till the rest of his life, the lovely words that he’s ever wanted to hear from Lelouch, the sincere words that he’s always wished to be true…But, but not like that! He never dreamed of it this way! God never!
“–but he was always so lonely; though he had tried his best not to let it shown,–”
His head throbbed terribly, like someone was hammering his brain. His whole body ached over, like thousands of needles piercing through his skin. His chest hurt so damn much, like something was strangling his heart in its claws. It was so hard to breathe. He was going to be suffocated by the feelings alone. Suddenly, he felt so sick.
“You know, kid, he was so happy that day – where he first met you, babbling any wonderful thing that related to you all night and such. He seemed so fond of you–”
He clenched his trembling fists on his sides, hard. His mouth only a pale thin line. His mind screamed bloody murders. Liar. It was all a lie. A fucking lie! He still didn’t believe it. He couldn’t just believe it! He wouldn’t! No way would Lelouch just leave him like that! They had promised hadn’t they! They had promised!
“–you were the sun, Suzaku. Always shone so brightly. He said he liked it when you smiled, that it brought him the light he was missing. And, thanks to that light, he was not going to be terrified of his death anymore. Hm, seriously, that kid–”
Why…how…god! Why was god so fucking selfish! Wanting the angel all for himself! How could god abandon him, then kidnapped him away all as he pleased! Give him back! Give the angel back to him…Please…Just…please return Lelouch back to him…
A heavy sigh was heard. Then a light yet firm tap on his shoulder tugged at his attention. But it was the sudden show of emotion on Schneizel’s usual stoic face that knocked him out of his denial, into the world of reality. It was there, although only barely visible, a trace of sadness and sorrow in those lilac-blue eyes.
“Listen, Suzaku.” He gazed at the boy sternly, “He wished you to be happy. He never wanted to leave. But he had to. Everything was so sudden. There was nothing he could do, nothing I could do.” Then his voice softened, “That kid, he smiled. He was smiling in his very last moment. He said he had found happiness, in the last days of his life. That’s why he was not afraid. And he said he would always embrace the memories even though he was so far away. Suzaku...” And lowered his voice to just a whisper, he murmured his next words, “He said he was sorry...that he couldn’t make it – seeing you for the last time.”
Schneizel shook his head lightly, and beckoned for the boy to come closer, “Kid, just for today, I’ll lend you a shoulder to cry on.”
All the while Suzaku kept his mouth closed, he didn’t trust himself to say anything in such state. He glared at Schneizel for a long second, before he broke into tears. Not waiting for any more word to be said, he took the offer without a second thought, tackling the man mercilessly. Lelouch…His Lelouch…His dearest friend…His amazing angel…he had missed the last chance. Now he was never going to see him again!
Unbeknown to Suzaku, a small drop of tear too rolled down the man’s cheek, gently landed on the top of his chocolate hair.
Ten years later~
The young man strolled slowly in the large garden, as though he had all the time in the world. Forest green eyes darted around surveying the familiar surroundings, noting that, nothing has really changed since his last visit here, roundly ten years ago. The lush carpet of grass, the high walls of shrubberies, the old, giant trees, and the flowers in full bloom…everything was still pretty much in the same perfect condition as he remembered. He turned a bush – the same pattern he always made each time visiting here – and came to a stop in front of the beautiful wisteria tree. There, the endless waves of gentle violet-blue flower racemes were dancing in tune with the song of the wind, spreading about its particularly sweet fragrance, similar to that of ripe grapes. He closed his eyes, hoping against hope that, when he opened them again, the only missing piece of the puzzle would miraculously appear, just as the good old days.
But it never happened.
Suzaku smiled bitterly to himself. How stupid of him. Surely, he would never be there waiting for him again, after too long…
He shook his head to clear his mind. Idiot. Not again. Now was not the time for those thoughts…
“I’m back, Lelouch.” He greeted softly, smiling a little to no one. “I’ve finished all my studies as well as the company’s businesses in that faraway country, now I’m coming home, Lelouch. I’m back for you.”
He sighed; then taking some steps closer, he sat down, back leaning against the lumpy trunk. “Sorry, I’ve been gone for too long.” He continued, a little louder than before, “I’ve missed you much, every day, Lelouch.” He paused as if waiting for something, then resumed his speech a while later, a bit of pride now lacing in his playful voice, “Look at me now. See? A fine young gentleman I’ve become, quite impressive ne? I bet you can’t recognize the same Suzaku of yours? But I am, Lelouch, I really still am.” He grinned brightly, a hand brought up to lovingly touch the smooth petals, caressing them as one would to their lover’s face.
“You know…I’ve been thinking for too long. About the words Schneizel told me all those years back. About the days we spent together, everything between the two of us. And about your words to me…your last words to me…” He reached into his breast pocket, and brought out a piece of paper smeared with the color of time, which he has treasured for all his life, “And I realized, last time, I forgot to say ‘Thank you’. Haha, I’m really an idiot ne, yeah yeah I know.” He chuckled softly, all the while nodding to himself, before his tone became more solemn, “Thank you, Lelouch, for all the precious time we spent together, for your kindness and friendship, for your…love and care,” His breath hitched a little, voice slightly trembling, but no tears was detected in those emerald gems. “And I thank you too, for the courage you presented to me, so that I could challenge my fear, facing the future on my own. Lelouch, so that I could leave to grow up, to be who I am now, the present Suzaku. I am not afraid of anything anymore.”
He took a long, deep breath, and pressed the old letter a tad closer to his chest, as though trying to ease the pain that was clawing his heart, “Just like you, dear, who was not afraid of your own death…how come I let myself be frightened at anything.” A small, content smile then graced his lips; Suzaku rested his head too against the sturdy tree and peered at the high blue sky through the violet veil. “You said I was the sun. I guess it makes me your sun then. Because, Lelouch, you were the one, every day, you are the one who makes me shine.”
He paused again, listening to the friendly silence, letting his thoughts drift off in the peaceful memories.
“It won’t be long, Lulu, I promise it will be real soon…” He mumbled sleepily, suddenly feeling very tired. The young man slowly closed his eyes, this time letting the gentle breezes lull him to sleep.
In his dreamy mind, Suzaku imagined he heard an angel’s light, melodic laughter blended with the wind.
…till the day we meet again.